yes, i do
feel the need for all those tools of sound
'cause without song we’ll lose our sight of god
(not the god that tells them they're all blessed).

-- norfolk & western, 'at dawn or after dusk'

exhibit a:


jeff mangum - oh sister [live]

if you've known me for any length of time, it's likely i've attempted to convert you to neutral milk hotel obsession, the secular religion which has grasped me since just about the time it was too late to be into them while they were still around. videos like this, along of course with the studio recordings, are really all we have left, except when mangum goes and makes appearances like this, adding his trademark wail and joining in the chorus of elf power's 'the arrow flies close,' one of the best non-neutral milk hotel things to ever come out of the elephant six collective.

anyway, if you've still managed to avoid listening to this stuff, the feeling i had when i saw the video above (which had somehow eluded me, though i do know the song even though it wasn't on the album, as he says) was that a close viewing with an eye to how intense a performance it is could make a convert out of someone. i got/get chills. audio alone does it, and always has for me, but the rarefied quality of a video like this, shot at an enchanted turn of the year, by someone who maybe also caught the fantastic focus and intensity coming out of that face. the only way i've ever been able to describe it is as following: this man is channeling something.

'gardenhead/leave me alone' is still my favourite song ever. you take the normal indie jargon about 'songs that saved your life'-- this is true. an anonymous guestbook comment on my old website--way back before i'd even met elizabeth, and that seems like a real fucking long time ago--directed me to in the aeroplane over the sea, which, i am not exaggerating, defines and enriches life. on avery island helped me to contextualise the turbulence of the turbulent years. i listen to 'everything is' every fall and 'wood guitar' every summer. during downtime at practice or before shows, while brendan was still in the band, we tried to collaborate on 'king of carrot flowers part 1' and 'in the aeroplane over the sea,' and i don't think i ever sat down with my drum set without playing through 'naomi' at least a couple of times. i learned 'engine' on bass and still sing 'two-headed boy part 2' whenever i feel like dying.

i become the again-astounded fourteen year-old who has just reached a singularity of emotion when i try to talk about this. i can't expect these (and the many other) defining experiences to translate into other lives, but if you appreciate the sort of thing that can impact someone in such a way, or just like good music, here is something to look into.