something about this just makes me feel old.

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intervention

Published 3.19.2009 by matt o | E-mail this post

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i want to get a call in the middle of the night. i want to answer that call and find i'm wanted, needed, and to scramble to get clothes together. i want to wonder for a moment how long i'll have to wear those clothes but banish that thought as irrelevant so i can focus on getting to the car. i want to curse the engine, the keys, and the clock, time itself, for not going, turning, passing faster. i want to drive safely and alertly, but with haste, and i want to let other thoughts flit across my consciousness because there's no sense dwelling on the situation just ahead, any thoughts at all-- huguenots, the ralliement créditiste du québec, john dryden, the labrys, cinnamon, the anachronistic marxist flag of angola, pink post-it notes, visual field screening, jean rhys. i want to make sure (at stop lights) that i brought bottled water, then i want to feel thirsty. i want to tell myself that it doesn't make sense to waste limited resources now, and it's probably just nerves anyhow, but secretly keep a mental checklist for signs of dehydration from that point onward. i want it not to be serious, but to be appreciated for having tried. i want it to be night into morning and i want to belong somewhere through the alchemy of the event, for all involved to be bound in it and to it, into tomorrow.

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