first of the month.

laura and i went down to pick up the keys and lease from janet this morning. we had time to check in on the place before work: the kitchen is smaller than we remember, the living room bigger. the bedroom's floor is slightly uneven, which may or may not cause problems. there is more closet space than we had expected, or at least than i had remembered. also available was the opportunity to sift through what the previous tenant left, which ranges from the incredibly useful (a bureau) to the expected (some final refrigerated items that probably weren't worth taking along when he left yesterday) to the downright unusual (a collection of wendy's barbecue sauce containers and an envelope of photographs from 2005).

i made a closer study of these items when i came back after work alone and post-grocery, throwing away all that was not useful and stocking the place with non-edible essentials. the cabinets are high, with many shelves that will likely not be utilised for kitchen purposes, and laura has given me permission to stock them with books when the time comes. it will probably be necessary. sifting through the dregs of this other life, i probably had some thoughts, but i can't remember them only a few hours later, and they probably aren't worth repeating if it were even possible. it's no good to over-sentimentalise this; that's one of the things that gets me in trouble. i mean, come on, i remember when we toured the place. dude used t-shirts for rugs.

see, my focus these few harrowing days is to prevent myself from utterly freaking out, as i did the last two times i moved. the first, from central to hathorne st. with liz, was mainly due to uncertainty and poorly-timed thunderstorms. the last, out of liz's, was primarily uncertainty as well. sprinkle a dash of excess heat-- make it several handfuls, actually -- and no good will come of it on my end. i say this time it will be easier, less of a mess, all of my things pre-packed and in storage. i owe it to laura. i'm strange and nervous, but i get too strange and nervous on those days, and it makes both of us worry. i focus on a few particular points in the near future, just as laura does: she can't wait to organise the kitchen, i can't wait to organise my books. i want another small black bookcase like the one in storage now. place them side to side: one fiction, the other my eclectic range of religious books, some generally recognised, others more my own personal scripture: the shaking quakers, english bibles, tolstoy, manseau and sharlet, jessamyn west, elaine pagels, the qur'an, joan of arc, thoreau. haven kimmel.

my drive over, by the longest and easiest route, was uncomfortable only because of the heat, but the drive back (by a more likely sequence of streets and turns) highlighted one of the greatest drawbacks of our choice to live deeper in downtown driving hell. i realised quickly that i had picked the worst hour (rush) and the only way things could possibly be worse would be if i were to turn on the radio and the worst music (also, incidentally, rush) was playing. i made it through after waiting for many lights, many pedestrians, and many people who clearly didn't know how the fuck to drive (even in comparison to myself). if i made it through that i'll probably do just fine in the future.

i'm still reading vollmann's the atlas, with what i have left of andrea dworkin's life and death on deck. i'm still waiting for robert fisk's the great war for civilisation in the mail, but i can't put away my sudden urge to pick up medieval people by eileen power again. listen to some helium, get some pictures of castles in your head, and you're right back there to the medievalism you thought that joan of arc paper beat out of you. maybe it's bodo, the simple life of a peasant, but 'simple' usually also means hard work. it's like that with the move as well. items go from place A to place B, which is simple enough, but the how and the when are the problem. i keep listening to 'there there' like it's autumn already. time needs to slow down, but the need to get it all done speeds things up.

we'll actually start sleeping there tomorrow night. a list of the new surroundings: salem common, collins cove, a russian orthodox church. a cannon. an apparent lack of CHILDREN. one of the maintenance guys listed on our lease is named FABIO. while i was there i made the place ours a little, put tiny pieces of paper with our names printed on them on the small locked mailbox for our unit. early to rise tomorrow, and no internet till comcast comes on wednesday. moving on.