something about this just makes me feel old.

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in which blogging resumes

Published 12.30.2009 by matt o | E-mail this post

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i want to pay more attention to this space, as here i find a vital emotional record of a few important years (though not as much, of course, this current dying one)-- my hiatus having to do with the fact that i've been working, snowed under by adult responsibility such as it is, and time got away from me. it's not the sort of work i've ever wanted to do. not dedication to a creative project. but i've never really dedicated myself to anything like this, not even the honours thesis. desire, yes, but never discipline.

i think that whole thing would have been less stressful if i had actually dedicated myself to it rather than fitting it in in pieces on the margins of spring. gave up a season rather than embraced one and tried to shape its edges. i spent time with people, lots of time. but i wrote about them. now i have even less time overall and have to squeeze this whole question into the margins of margins, my time for myself having become marginalised: where then to strike the balance between dedication the creative life and the social, when the people are more interesting than anything i could invent?

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