something about this just makes me feel old.
i got through the spring so well even without catherine. she's really gone this year, and i really thought i could do this. i had it together for the first few weeks of school, i'd been looking forward to being back so much that the momentum carried over from the summer and i was ready to just act as if the reality i'd constructed after july went awry to get myself through the rest of the summer had simply blossomed into reality the second i stepped out of the car in front of central. it didn't, it was somewhat different and we all adapted. fine.
then we hit october a week ago and the cracks started to show. i'm just talking about myself now. and with every passing day last year starts to seem closer rather than as far away as it really is. and whatever similarities may seem to exist, everything is so different now. last year isn't looming recent history so much as it is a reference point that i can point at in my current confusion and conclude that i've been worse off and made it through. a reminder that the twists and turns of my life provide enough unresolved complication that i don't really need to be adding more unnecessarily. keeps it calmer, adds perspective. and while i was thinking about all of this today catherine was there anyway; far away, yes, but available when i need someone to talk to.
restoring that sense of connectivity i always want to believe in, that people can understand each other at a distance and say exactly what needs to be said.
then we hit october a week ago and the cracks started to show. i'm just talking about myself now. and with every passing day last year starts to seem closer rather than as far away as it really is. and whatever similarities may seem to exist, everything is so different now. last year isn't looming recent history so much as it is a reference point that i can point at in my current confusion and conclude that i've been worse off and made it through. a reminder that the twists and turns of my life provide enough unresolved complication that i don't really need to be adding more unnecessarily. keeps it calmer, adds perspective. and while i was thinking about all of this today catherine was there anyway; far away, yes, but available when i need someone to talk to.
restoring that sense of connectivity i always want to believe in, that people can understand each other at a distance and say exactly what needs to be said.
previous posts
archives
- April 2006
- May 2006
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- March 2007
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also me
- city lines magazine
- twitter (annus_mirabilis)
- ashley (almost a love song)
- kayleigh (i [verb] you)
- nicole (raise your hopeful voice)
- alli (what an odd-sized explosion.)
- haven kimmel's blog
- sara benincasa
- wonkette
- i blame the patriarchy
- who is ioz?
- a softer world
- toothpaste for dinner
- natalie dee
- married to the sea
- dinosaur comics
- xkcd
- terror island
- the perry bible fellowship
- cat and girl
- björk
- the decemberists
- the weakerthans
- sigur rós
- stephin merritt
- norfolk & western
- the essex green
- of montreal
- elephant 6
- arts&crafts
- laura veirs
- mary timony
- cbc
- alt weeklies
- al jazeera english
- george galloway
- marxists internet archive
- world socialist web site
- the pinky show
- quotidiana
- exit mundi
- the millennial abyss
- the revealer
- killing the buddha
- the brick testament
- colbert nation
- mcsweeney's internet tendency
- the brazen head
- iq infinity: the unknown james joyce
- ulysses by james joyce
- the leonard cohen files
- only revolutions
- luminarium
- geoffrey chaucer hath a blog
- haven kimmel
- purity of heart
- banana yoshimoto
- jeanette winterson
blogs
webcomics
music
news and political
curiosity, entertainery, and literary
about
-
me: aspiring writer, 'music nerd,' seeker of beautiful moments, college student, armchair theologian, nominal quaker, 'the diet coke of emo with no caffeine,' eclectic left-winger, and generally someone who thinks about things too much.
this: unedited, uninhibited, and uninteresting thoughts, nebulous stream-of-consciousness ramblings of memory, inside jokes, obscure references, emotional paroxysms, and slices of life. sometimes there are pictures.
what people are saying about me
'...something entirely different from anybody i've ever known.'
- krystin
'...a nice boy.'
- laura
'...a maoist!'
- greg
'...elevate[s] emotional self-destructiveness to an art form.'
- greg
'...my favorite pixie.'
- lizzie
'...a damn good conversationalist.'
- kelly
'...blue-raspberry [pie]! or or maybe cranberry raisin.'
- becky
'i feel like a wide eyed kid in the socialist candy store...and [he's] the clerk.'
- christine
'...far too sensible and perceptive to be straight.'
- catherine
'...not british.'
- catherine
'...would have made a good medieval monk. one of the non-crooked ones.'
- catherine
'...should have been born a dolphin.'
- elizabeth
ATOM 0.3
'life was just a series of things i'd read about coming true.'
-- michelle tea, the chelsea whistle
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