went through a bit of a depressive stage yesterday for reasons entirely unrelated to what one would think if aware of the events of last night and just hours ago tonight. i don't think it could have gone any other way.

you know, if you just let yourself look around this place for a somber second, you'd be amazed how much fear and doubt fills it up. a lot of sad people with a lot of uncertainty behind their eyes, wondering if this is all there is.

so today was supposed to be the day i locked myself away to combat the quickly rising workload of nearing december and its accompanying finals, but it didn't quite happen that way. if i were trying to rate months by craziness after what happened in october, today could be almost a full-circle valediction as the dying year lapses into its final gasp-- perhaps with a bang, as there will be thunderstorms tomorrow.

i got caught up talking and debating abortion and there was pizza and time's trans-shifting (we were reading herrick in english lit today) and stepping into the warm, breezy night and allowing myself to enjoy this pleasant weather even though it won't last. in short, it was what i needed. at one point becky called me and we talked about the moon and dark clouds shaped like africa and i felt supremely geographic, like i could see the northeast from high, high above and we were these two blinking lights at our respective places, both looking up at the moon-- i could see it and she couldn't, and the clouds were wispy and fast-moving, and it was wonderful. then driving along the waterfront to nahant, looking at the boston skyline, seeming like it was the middle of the night but it wasn't even quite six. do you know how long all of that makes a day feel?

life is full of possibilities. again.