something about this just makes me feel old.



the place is dead as heaven on a saturday night


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i was at home for a few days and it served as little more than a bleak preview of another bleak winter break, this time far less welcome. winter break last year was a necessary isolation period, the likes of which i'd gone into during the previous year as well. it was a process of trying to shake the year, especially the last few months of the year, out of my system in preparation for that half-imagined new beginning that dawns in january. but in college the break is longer and those extra days drag on in what is either exquisite agony (end! now!) or glorious languor before "spring" classes start up and there's more cold and snow and my birthday before i know it.

the weight of the past bears down on me during my time at home, and original thoughts become impossible. i've written about this before. i have to get out of there when it gets like that. i should go somewhere or do something but it never seems to work out. first the year ends with me watching insomnia (the year i got it on dvd i stayed up all night on christmas day and watched it because i "felt like being ironic") and listening to the moon and antarctica and.......

actually, it's going to be fucking warm this week, no? i'll get back to this when it feels like november again.


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