thanksgiving is coming on faster than i ever could have expected. and winter. i've been preparing subconsciously in my ways, getting a new sarah waters book i'm expecting to read right around finals next month and bringing my copy of dubliners back to school with me so i can look at the vintage international cover and think of the holidays. the associations i make. i want an evening to come in mid-december where i step outside into the chilly evening air with a contented warmth inside. live through my favourite actionslacks song. decembers...so much has happened during them in the past, but never that.

that whole time of year, soon to be this whole time of year, always gets me, in that i always end up enjoying myself even though all of the elements that should be contrary to my enjoyment are in place. this is especially true on christmas eve. there's always a family gathering at my house, and i talk to jenn about politics and quietly attempt to incite a theological argument with uncle mike. last year patty was showing me around as the "hey, he's in college" prize child, talking up that short story i wrote for kessler's class even though she hadn't read it. still hasn't. i was still recovering then, doing a lot of soul-searching in the break that ensued. the break i needed. that night as it passes through the years is full of little traditions, annoying ones, but a net enjoyment is always found. melissa/michelle, the lapsed catholicism of a french-canadian gathering, kelly's continuing foibles (worse every year), a christmas story.

then the traditions i try to get started: how i ran the music the first year i got a cd player, my little station set up with all the meticulous planning of a kid with too much time and too much ambition. then that true holdiay classic and fixture for the last few years, die hard-- but i usually end up watching it alone or not watching it at all. then i tell people i did because it makes for a good story. i've seen it enough times. this year? phil spector christmas album. we'll see.