something about this just makes me feel old.

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out on the lawn

Published 12.28.2006 by matt o | E-mail this post

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i stepped outside earlier and i thought about how the simple touch of the night brings with it an awareness i don't find inside that there's a whole set of possibilities slipping by. home paralyzes me as i've said before, but in that cold-but-not-as-cold-as-late-december-should-be air i immediately started whispering to myself the sort of words and phrases that come to me in moments of fond or bitter remembering: that there was love here, or its condensed approximation that flared on summer nights; the special places i can still see right where the street descends with the hill. and on the coldest nights of deep winter that i can trace back in concentric circles of the months and years since: it was there too. there's an awareness to it, and the other special places of significance to other people all over town, all over everywhere. sometimes i know even my memory is slipping but it's the awareness of the places that brings it back. and the times. and the years. the new years.

i don't know what i'm expecting, but i'm going to try something, try to craft at least a portion of my life that can be lived here instead of waiting for the 17th in stasis.

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