i drifted off last night without meaning to, after a day that had seemed to take forever because it was a day that had been spent at home. i woke up at two or so with that sweetly confounded feeling of wondering which day it is.

noticed on friday morning that they're starting the landscaping at school, trying to wrest some life from the winter-dead earth. that's one thing the place has going for it: it approaches beauty in the spring. like last year when we walked to the last few plays of the season looking for flowers; like last year when there was a thunderstorm coming on and i walked over to the benches above the tennis courts and sat to read to the lighthouse until the rain was about to start. after that i went back to my room in bowditch, the room that wouldn't be my room much longer, and sat there with the shades lowered to darken the place even more. i listened to the rain.

laura and i went out friday night and it was the first time i had been on a real date in the sense i tend to think of a date in quite some time. it was cold out, too cold for the season, but that's something we'll all have to be used to for the coming weeks-- besides, it didn't matter. the night was in some ways a symphony of our eccentricities, but that's one of the reasons we go so well together. already so many memorable moments in so short a time.

so, right, i'm home for easter (well, an early easter dinner before i return to school) but the day means almost nothing. my ethnically catholic family used to actually try to place some meaning behind the day, maybe even go to church every few years, something, but today it just feels mechanical and that no longer depresses me. i'm not even sure why i came home at all.