it's a rainy sunday and i just made a list and little calendar of all the things i need to do between now and the end of the semester, which is now only a few short weeks away. lizzie and i looked at another apartment yesterday: it was small but small in the good way, with a slight ocean view and what seems like a great view of any oncoming storm clouds, but kayleigh told me there were surprisingly few thunderstorms in salem last summer. there are always too few thunderstorms. we have a few other places to look at but we're going to decide soon before the market dries up, if that's even a reasonable fear. ideally, we'll be signing a lease within the week. between that, the job i need to secure soon, and everything else, life seems to be catching up with me.

i used to have this fear that i would somehow be behind nearly constantly, and that i wouldn't know what to do socially while everyone else was zipping right along as if by some unseen force that i simply didn't have access to that drove them in the right direction; to comfort myself i came up with this theory that society sort of moves you through a combination of natural reason and peer pressure, because everyone got their license to drive at around the same time, and first-apartment related anxiety is endemic right now. "things tend to work out" as a lifelong ethos is, i know, a feeble middle class dream of security and entitlement, but that's how everything has happened for me so far. in darker moments i imagine the bottom falling out, but life hasn't had dark moments lately.

time passed exceptionally slowly this morning: i did the waking up then drifting off to dreamy sunday morning sleep thing at least twelve times between eleven and noon but it felt like hours of dream activity to the point where i was convinced that the clock was malfunctioning. my dreams foretold crazy weather over the next week, alternately seventies or single digits, and some particularly playful accuweather graphic artists.